certain things haven't gone to plan this year. money is tight
I applied for the Princes Trust drawing school, basically it's a scholarship to draw for the year in the school.
I was expecting to see some amazing shit on the open day but after I went I had my doubts I'd get in, I'm hardly the best, but My skill was blowing them out of the water.
lo and behold, I got rejected.

money is tight so applied for a full time position in a art store, thought I was a shoe in. I'm friends with the manager in my local branch, and on friendly terms with a few in the branch I applied for.
Declined

I look back and I think, Yeah I've improved, but nowhere to the amount I think I should have. certain things slow me down, things beyond my control. It probably doesn't help that I study a wide variety of things as well, in a wide variety of media, including something completely art irrelevant - The Japanese Language.
But I practice what I enjoy, and what I believe will take me further along the path, and I DO notice the improvement. if , only slight.

I need a professional photographers camera and (maybe) a damn good A3 size scanner, and time. these things require money, a lot of it,  so it seems i'll be extending the limit of my overdraft with the bank to £5000, I'm already a grand overdrawn, which wasn't intended but shit happens and they add interest on that shit yo(lol).
I'll continue my search for a job but it is no longer my priority for now. I just need to go into overdrive and bang out more work, longer hours.
Before I hit the £5000 mark i better be selling my work or working in something otherwise I'm utterly fucked.

I write this because although it is a fantastic opportunity to just go completely balls out on yourself on improving, it doesn't come without it's problems. You should always plan for the worst case scenario in your plans, it's easy to think "nah this won't happen to me, I'll have this/do this/I will become this, before it happens" etc but i'm telling you right now, I AM in my worst case scenario.
and shit don't look too bright right about now, but the only way is forward.

keep your heads up high, and believe.

and on a final note, I'm watching the chronicles of riddick right now and he said something that strongly resonated with me
He's staring at this woman and says:
"It's been a long time since I smelt Beautiful"